Fingernail Clippers: That's why we have teeth.
Makeup That is Tattooed on: You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty?
Colored Elastics For Braces: As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.
Inflatable Furniture: Nothing boosts the ego more than sitting on a couch and popping it.
Crayons With a Fragrance: Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.
Fake Eyelashes: You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.
The Epilady: Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.
Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers: Kleenex does not get chilly.
Rubber Clothing: Because you shouldn't bounce if you fall down the stairs.
Doggie Sweaters: Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.
Thong underwear: Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.