Clean Jokes - Short Jokes for Kids / Children
You may be an engineer... If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Bumper Sticker: It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
There was the Florida State defensive tackle who thought Hertz Van Rentals was a famous Dutch painter.
What is green and smells?
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.
Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
You may be an engineer... If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
Quick Thinking = Offers plausible excuses
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
Lighten up we all make big mistakes we pay for forever.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?
Absolutely nothing. (Melissa)
"President Obama still has not gotten used to the White House, apparently. This is true. Today, on his way into the Oval Office, he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. That's true. Yeah. White House employees said at first it made them laugh, then a wave of nostalgia washed over them." --Conan O'Brien (Melissa)
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.