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Funny Riddles - The Funniest Short Jokes and One Liners


What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
(3.9 stars, 43 votes)
 

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter... he won't come to you anyway!
(3.8 stars, 43 votes)
 

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
(3.7 stars, 43 votes)
 

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
(3.6 stars, 43 votes)
 

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who broke out of prison?
The headline the next day was "Small Medium At Large."
(3.5 stars, 43 votes)
 

What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
(3.4 stars, 43 votes)
 

What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.
(3.3 stars, 43 votes)
 

What do you call a guy at your front door with no legs or arms?
Matt!
(3.1 stars, 43 votes)
 

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
(4.3 stars, 44 votes)
 

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
(4.2 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts.
(4.2 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why are movie stars so cool?
Because they have many fans!
(4.0 stars, 44 votes)
 

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
(3.9 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
(3.9 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
(3.8 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
(3.8 stars, 44 votes)
 

What does the sun drink out of? Sunglasses.
(3.6 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why are those two couches on top of eachother?
Maybe they are making "love seats".
(3.5 stars, 44 votes)
 

What does an atheist say when she's having an orgasm?
"Darwin! Oh, Darwin!"
(3.5 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.
(3.5 stars, 44 votes)
 

Why do bald people put holes in there pockets?
So they can rub there fingers through their hair.
(3.4 stars, 44 votes)
 

Have you heard the joke about the bed...?
It hasn't been made up yet
(3.8 stars, 45 votes)
 

Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!
(3.7 stars, 45 votes)
 

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
(3.7 stars, 45 votes)
 

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
(3.6 stars, 45 votes)
 




 
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