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Short Marriage / Divorce Jokes - The Funniest Short Jokes and One Liners

College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come.
(3.7 stars, 10 votes)

I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
(2.9 stars, 10 votes)

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
(2.8 stars, 10 votes)

Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.
(2.8 stars, 10 votes)

The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
(2.8 stars, 10 votes)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
(2.7 stars, 10 votes)

Woman say's to her husband -You only ever want sex when you're pissed. -That's not true. Sometimes I want a kebab...
(2.6 stars, 10 votes)

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.
(2.4 stars, 10 votes)

Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
(2.1 stars, 10 votes)

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
(1.7 stars, 10 votes)

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
(4.7 stars, 11 votes)

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
(4.6 stars, 11 votes)

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
(4.6 stars, 11 votes)

How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
(4.6 stars, 11 votes)

BEFORE MARRIAGE: Twice a night
AFTER: Twice a month
(4.6 stars, 11 votes)

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence - a life sentence.
(4.5 stars, 11 votes)

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. (Groucho Marx)
(4.4 stars, 11 votes)

Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.
(4.4 stars, 11 votes)

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."
(4.4 stars, 11 votes)

I asked my wife, Where do you want to go for our anniversary? She said, Somewhere I have never been! I told her, How about the kitchen?
(4.4 stars, 11 votes)

BEFORE MARRIAGE: You take my breath away
AFTER: I feel like I'm suffocating
(4.4 stars, 11 votes)

All marriages are happy -it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
(4.3 stars, 11 votes)

Love is like bird. When you least expect it, it craps in your face.
(4.3 stars, 11 votes)

Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
(4.2 stars, 11 votes)

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
(4.1 stars, 11 votes)

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