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Short Old People / Elderly Jokes - The Funniest Short Jokes and One Liners


Old is when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
(3.6 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
2010: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.
(3.5 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Acid Rock.
2010: Acid Reflux.
(3.5 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
2010: Moving to California because it's warm.
(3.4 stars, 13 votes)
 

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did (Robert Benchley)
(3.2 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Peace sign.
2010: Mercedes logo.
(3.2 stars, 13 votes)
 

Old is when "getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
(3.2 stars, 13 votes)
 

Old is when the porn you bring home is "Debby Does Dialysis"
(3.2 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
2010: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
(3.2 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
2010: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.
(3.2 stars, 13 votes)
 

Old age is always fifteen years older than you are.
(3.1 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Being called into the principal's office.
2010: Calling the principal's office.
(3.0 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: The perfect high.
2010: The perfect high yield mutual fund.
(2.9 stars, 13 votes)
 

1970: Growing pot.
2010: Growing pot belly.
(2.5 stars, 13 votes)
 

Old is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
(2.5 stars, 13 votes)
 

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
(4.1 stars, 14 votes)
 

1970: Rolling Stones.
2010: Kidney stones.
(3.7 stars, 14 votes)
 

1970: Hoping for a BMW.
2010: Hoping for a BM.
(3.7 stars, 14 votes)
 

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
(3.7 stars, 14 votes)
 

1970: "Whatever"
2010: "Depends"
(3.6 stars, 14 votes)
 

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
(3.6 stars, 14 votes)
 

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
(3.6 stars, 14 votes)
 

Old is when an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
(3.6 stars, 14 votes)
 

Old is when when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
(3.6 stars, 14 votes)
 

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
(3.5 stars, 14 votes)
 




 
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