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Short Retirement Jokes - The Funniest Short Jokes and One Liners

Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
(3.4 stars, 12 votes)

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. (Gene Perret)
(3.6 stars, 13 votes)

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
(3.4 stars, 13 votes)

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it (Gene Perret)
(2.0 stars, 13 votes)

When is a retiree's bedtime?
Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
(3.5 stars, 14 votes)

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job (Ella Harris)
(3.5 stars, 14 votes)

Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
(3.4 stars, 14 votes)

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. (R C Sherriff)
(3.2 stars, 14 votes)

How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it might take all day.
(3.1 stars, 15 votes)

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Charles Lamb.
(4.1 stars, 16 votes)

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... retire (Groucho Marx)
(3.6 stars, 16 votes)

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did. (Malcolm Forbes)
(3.3 stars, 18 votes)

What do gardeners do when they retire? - Bob Monkhouse
(3.3 stars, 54 votes)

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