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Short Animal Jokes (Parrots, Dogs, Cats, etc.) - The Funniest Short Jokes and One Liners


Never wrestle a pig; you both get dirty, and he likes it.
(3.6 stars, 35 votes)
 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
(3.4 stars, 35 votes)
 

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
(3.3 stars, 35 votes)
 

Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
(3.2 stars, 35 votes)
 

What did the elephant say to the naked man? Itís cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
(3.8 stars, 36 votes)
 

Did you hear about the duck who went into the drugstore? He told the pharmacist, "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill
(3.4 stars, 36 votes)
 

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
(4.1 stars, 37 votes)
 

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
(4.0 stars, 37 votes)
 

Would a fly without wings be called a walk? (George Carlin)
(3.9 stars, 37 votes)
 

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? (George Carlin)
(3.7 stars, 37 votes)
 

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
(3.6 stars, 37 votes)
 

What Has Four Legs And An Arm?
A Happy Pit Bull.
(3.4 stars, 37 votes)
 

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
The outside.
(3.3 stars, 37 votes)
 

Ever notice when you blow in a dogís face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
(4.2 stars, 38 votes)
 

If a turtle doesnít have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
(4.2 stars, 38 votes)
 

Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
To find a tight seal.
(4.0 stars, 38 votes)
 

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
(3.7 stars, 38 votes)
 

Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it's hard to run in squares!
(4.1 stars, 39 votes)
 

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
(4.0 stars, 39 votes)
 

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
(Jon)
(3.7 stars, 39 votes)
 

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
(3.5 stars, 40 votes)
 

Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
To the retail store.
(3.9 stars, 42 votes)
 

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
(3.8 stars, 43 votes)
 

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